Lee Kemp

It’s Friday night. I’ve just gone through about 18 months worth of Empire magazines adding all the films I fancy to my Lovefilm list. The dogs on the bed licking my stockinged feet (stockinged as in socks) while I wait for the house to become empty so I can watch Franklyn and I’ve been asked to be a guest blogger in Birmingham’s Big Debate

It’s a good day.

I’ve got a script ready to go. It’s very short, pretty self contained and won’t take too much to do. It’s called Cherry Pie.

Watch this space.

I went to an RSA event recently as a guest of a fellow and got talking to someone from the Birmingham Book Festival. He was telling me about writing stuff that I didn’t know about and I was telling him about things that he didn’t know about. So I thought I’d put it all in one place.

Coming Up: Channel 4′s scheme is open to writers without an original single, series or serial broadcast on telly and directors without a primetime credit. Someone I know on the scheme a couple of years ago went on to write a film called Outpost. It got made by the same director and got theatrical distribution last year. The scheme’s definitely worth a look. It is aimed at writers with something of a track record but I know for certain that they’re simply looking for talented people.

The chap I met told me about the Birmingham Book Festival. The event is geared more towards novelists, poets and non-fiction writers but there is some scope for screenwriters so worth keeping a weather eye out.

Shooting People is  something some people rave about. I think it’s worth joining for a year and making your own mind up. The guy that runs the writer’s list, Andy Conway, lives in Birmingham and his website is worth reading. www.andyconway.net

Film Forum West Midlands. I’m a member but haven’t yet managed to make it to any of the events. They used to be on weekends and then when they held their first midweek event it was on the same night as my own embryonic writer’s group. But i’ll be along before too long.

In other news, we had a Canadian music video director called Jazz Virk come into the office. We sat round for  a while swapping favourite movies (anything by Park Chan Wook) and watching each other’s films. I was lucky enough to have some stuff with guns and explosions in but I couldn’t really compete with his Jazzy B video that contained a couple of Rolls Royce Phantoms, two Bugati Veyrons and a gulfstream jet.

The lovely Simon Cox, director of cult movie Written in Blood popped in too and I might have my first interview on here soon with him. He’s currently seeking funding for his sci-fi movie The Kaleidoscope Man.

Something substantial next time. See you soon.

…annoy me. I fidget. I fuss and I deliberately analyse. None of which are ‘good things’.

I’m there to watch a film and even the very best title sequences simply elaborate on the themes of the film. Frankly, a little bit more thought by way of actually elaborating on the themes of the film, within said film, would be much better placed*.

What about the recognition of the artists and artisans who have slaved tirelessly? All the cast and crew on a film have worked very hard. You can tell that because they didn’t get fired and stuck around long enough to get their name in the credits. But I really don’t need to see their credits at the start either. There is genuinely no requirement whatsoever to delay the start of the film with names, even if it’s to say A Stephen Soderbergh Film. I know that. It’s why I’m there. If the person is even semi-famous, even in giant movie geek terms there’s a good chance that the people that care about that kind of stuff (me) will know about it already. Save the credits for the end. I’ll sit and read them. I promise.

Then there are those people who’s names you don’t know going in. The not yet Soderberghs, the never will be Tom Cruises and the grips and juicers happy to be getting paid. Perhaps some star turn from a lesser known actor or a half recognised face under a metric ton of superb prosthetics, maybe it’s music that makes your heart pound or writing so good it blisters your ears just to listen. Save it. For the end. Again, those people who care (me) will sit and wait. They won’t even wait until they go home to check imdb. They (I) will sit in the theatre and wait until the the relevant name turns up in the credits and they’ll keep it there.

Save the credits for the end. Please. And don’t get me started on James Bond credit sequences.

I’d be really interested in a list of credit sequences worth watching though, or ones that actually add something to the film. Any suggestions?

*David Fincher’s Se7en is automatically excluded from any diatribe.

Here are my predictions in the key Oscar categories. Before you read on, I’ll give you a complete list of nominated films that i’ve seen. It’s very short.

Frost/Nixon, Tropic Thunder, Wall-E, Dark Knight, Slumdog Millionaire, In Bruges and Australia.

There probably should be some kind of rule about not having an opinion on films you haven’t seen, but you don’t have to seen the films to vote on them so why should I hold back?

Here goes:

Best Actor: Mickey Rourke. Hollywood loves a sob story (Rourke’s not Randy’s).

Best Actress in Supporting Role: Heath Ledger. He’s awesome, even without the posthumous** force multiplier.

Best Actress: Kate Winslet. 0 for 5. Can’t see it.

Best Actress in a Support Role: I genuinely have no idea. But my guess is Marisa Tomei isn’t winning. Unless Charlton Heston is actually in witness protection.

Best Animated Feature Film: Wall-E, despite being in the wrong category. This should be in Best Film.

Best Directing: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (though I want Slumdog to get it).

Best Picture: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. No idea why. Haven’t seen it. And Slumdog won’t win simply because I want it to. Sorry Danny Boyle.

Let’s see how many I get?

*If you’re gonna steal a joke, steal it from Terry Pratchett.

**isn’t posthumous a strange word? Post-humous. Who would have considered the dangers of mashed chickpeas.

When I watch films I haven’t seen for years two things usually happen. I realise the film isn’t as good as I remember which is a shame but it does happen more often than I like. But I also spot actors from early parts of their career. I’m pretty good with actor’s names so I tend to go “oh look, it’s…” rather than “isn’t that…?”

I know that makes me an insufferable smart arse. Even worse, it’s a cross I bear with nothing even approaching dignity I’m afraid. But it is a fun game to play. As well as spotting Richard Branson in movies (Superman Returns, Casino Royale) and other little oddities that i’m convinced other people don’t quite spot.

The best example of this is Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon album cover cleverly projected at a certain point in Almost Famous (if you haven’t spotted it, i’m not telling you).

Yesterday it was Paul Giamatti in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

When I watched Rock ‘n’ Rolla I had a reverse “oh look, it’s…” moment. Given that i’ve seen Toby Kebbell in a smaller, far, far, superior in every single possible way kind of movie; Dead Man’s Shoes. He played Anthony, mentally handicapped brother of the protagonist Richard. If you haven’t seen it please go and buy it. It’s probably dirt cheap in HMV, it’s British in a way that doesn’t need a cultural test to prove it (yes Potter, I’m looking at you). It’s got the mighty, mighty Paddy Considine and it’s directed by Shane Meadows. Both of whom score very highly in the “who would you have a lock-in down your local with” stakes.

Then there’s Good Will Hunting. “Oh look, it’s Casey Affleck“. I haven’t yet seen The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford but I have seen Gone Baby Gone and it’s excellent. Casey Affleck just nails this character and here’s when you know it: there’s a moment that Patrick (Affleck) gets into a scrape in a nasty bar and escapes through a combination of being insanely ballsy and knowing when to pull his gun and smack someone with it. The biggest part though is being ballsy and he knows it. He gets back outside, the gun goes back in his pants and relief is pouring out of every sweaty pore as the camera circles around him. Just as we start to fade, just at that final moment with the sun behind him, he cracks the tiniest, slightest relieved smile. It’s a smile that just says “fuck, I can’t believe I pulled that off” and it’s just glorious acting made even more perfect by the editor’s timing of the fade.

So next time you watch Good Will Hunting you can go “Oh look it’s Casey Affleck” because he’s proper famous now, and hopefully on the trajectory he deserves, like Toby Kebble.

*33.3% of the title of this post is punctuation. I’m not sure that’s ever going to be a good thing.